Discernment Counseling in Austin - A Rising Therapy Trend for Couples in Crisis

The Rising Popularity of Discernment Counseling in Austin

Relationship counseling has long focused on improving communication between partners and working through problems together. However, research shows this approach does not always help couples decide whether to stay together or split up. This had led to the emergence of a new type of therapy called discernment counseling, which takes a different approach to helping couples figure out the fate of their relationship.

What is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is a short-term therapy designed to help couples on the brink of divorce take a step back and carefully evaluate whether they should stay together or end their marriage. The defining feature of this counseling approach, developed in the early 2000s by therapist Bill Doherty, is that it involves one-on-one sessions between the counselor and each partner.

The goal is to gain more clarity and objectivity into the relationship by understanding each individual's perspective separately. The counselor then helps synthesize the insights gathered to help the couple discern whether there is enough hope and willingness to work toward rebuilding and improving the marriage.

Why Do Therapists Often Refuse to See Couples Separately?

Traditional couples counseling is based on the belief that hearing both partners' experiences openly and together is crucial for empathy, intimacy and progress. As a result, most marriage counselors initially refuse to hold individual sessions as that contradicts their treatment philosophy of addressing issues as a unit.

However, according to leading relationship expert Esther Perel in her bestselling book State of Affairs, seeing both members of a couple separately has certain advantages Couples often act differently alone with a counselor compared to when their partner is present. They may feel more comfortable opening up about sensitive topics and be more honest about their doubts, motivations and hidden perspectives.

The Rise of Discernment Counseling in Austin

While discernment counseling started off as a niche approach, it has grown enormously popular in the past few years. Austin, in particular, has seen tremendous interest in this unique couples therapy as more local practitioners get trained and offer it.

There are a few key reasons why discernment counseling resonates with so many couples in Austin and surrounding areas in Texas:

• It gives personalized attention and space to delicately evaluate the relationship rather than immediately tackle resolving disputes
• It avoids placing blame or labeling one partner as the problem
• It empowers couples to make clear, intentional choices about the future instead of drifting along in unhealthy patterns

What to Expect in Discernment Counseling

The discernment process typically involves five to twelve sessions spanning one to three months. The first two sessions are always one-on-one meetings where the counselor gets to know each partner's unique experiences and perspectives on:

• What brought them into counseling
• Their relationship history
• Their vision for a satisfying marriage
• How they contribute to the problems
• Their willingness to work to improve the relationship

After the initial separate meetings, the counselor sees if joint sessions could be productive or if additional individual counseling is needed first. Later sessions focus on identifying potential new growth directions for the couple and decision-making around the fate of their commitment.

Finding a Discernment Counselor in Austin

If you and your partner feel like you are drifting apart and unsure about your future together, discernment counseling may help provide clarity in Austin. Look for a professional counselor or psychologist with specific training in this short-term therapy model.

Here are some characteristics to look for in an effective discernment counselor:

• Extensive experience with couples counseling and assessment
• Comfortable with complexity and nuance in relationships
• Warm, compassionate presence that puts both partners at ease
• Asks thoughtful, open-ended questions to gather insights
• Avoids judgement and gently challenges assumptions

While traditional marriage counseling aims to strengthen bonds, discernment counseling recognizes sometimes the healthiest decision is to part ways. However, couples are often hesitant to end things without deeper perspective. By offering a neutral sounding board to carefully weigh options, an empathetic discernment counselor can guide couples toward clarity.

FAQs

What is the main goal of discernment counseling?

The main goal of discernment counseling is to help confused and uncertain couples gain clarity and objectivity regarding whether to continue their relationship or end their marriage.

How is discernment counseling different from regular marriage counseling?

Discernment counseling involves one-on-one sessions with each partner first before any joint sessions, while regular marriage counseling sees both partners together from the start.

What types of couples can benefit most from discernment counseling?

Couples who feel their relationship is no longer working but are paralyzed to make a decision to stay or divorce can greatly benefit from the clarity this short-term therapy provides.

How long does the discernment counseling process take?

Discernment counseling typically involves 5 to 12 sessions over the course of 1 to 3 months. After the initial separate meetings, joint sessions may follow to make decisions.