Understanding Reunification Therapy in Ontario | Repairing Broken Parent-Child Bonds

Understanding Reunification Therapy in Ontario

Reunification therapy, also known as reunification counseling, has become an increasingly common recommendation in Ontario family court cases involving estranged parents and children. The goal of reunification therapy is to repair broken parent-child relationships and reestablish safe, healthy bonds.

Reunification therapy typically involves the participation of an estranged parent and child, as well as a qualified therapist. The therapist works as a neutral third party to facilitate communication, rebuild trust, and resolve any underlying issues contributing to the estrangement.

When is Reunification Therapy Recommended?

There are a few common scenarios when judges and healthcare professionals may recommend reunification therapy:

• After a divorce or separation, when a child becomes estranged from one parent
• When one parent has been absent from a child's life for an extended period
• In cases of parental alienation, when one parent has actively turned a child against the other parent
• When a parent has been accused or convicted of abuse/neglect, and the child is resistant to reconciliation
• When a child has become estranged from a parent due to high family conflict during/after divorce

The Reunification Therapy Process

The reunification process is gradual, with the ultimate goal being joint counseling sessions involving the estranged parent and child. However, the therapist will start slow and establish rules to ensure the child feels safe. Often, initial sessions will involve meeting only with the estranged parent to address their motivations and commitment. Later, individual sessions will be held with the child to understand their perspective. The therapist will then work to find common ground before bringing everyone together. Parents are advised to have patience, as full reconciliation can take time based on the child's needs.

Finding a Qualified Therapist in Ontario

Reunification therapy should only be attempted under the care of a very skilled professional. The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) provides guidelines for training and qualifications. Ideal providers have extensive experience with high-conflict divorce, alienation, abuse cases, and children's developmental needs. Look for a licensed counselor, psychologist or social worker.

Ask about their specific training and success with reunification therapy. Confirm they will follow ethical practices and not pressure children to reconcile before they are ready. Therapists should not make guarantees about the outcome. Quality therapy will consider the child's emotional well-being above all else.

What Happens in Reunification Therapy Sessions?

Reunification sessions focus on rebuilding the parent-child relationship through improving communication, trust, and conflict resolution skills. The therapist acts as a facilitator, starting with less intense activities before working up to direct conversation. Early sessions may involve things like:

• Joint letter writing or sharing journals
• Discussing positive memories
• Engaging in art therapy or games
• Listening exercises and non-verbal communication

This gradual approach gives the child and parent opportunities to interact in positive ways, before tackling more difficult discussions about the source of their estrangement. With the therapist there to mediate and guide the conversation, the parent and child can work through grievances over time.

What is the Ideal Result of Reunification Therapy?

In the best-case scenario, reunification counseling will result in the parent and child renewing their bond and reestablishing a healthy, supportive relationship moving forward. However, the idea that therapy can "fix" every broken relationship is misleading.

Reconciliation takes commitment from both parties, and requires the child's willingness. Pushing too hard can retraumatize children andcause more harm than good. A more realistic goal is to improve communication and better understand each other's perspectives. But the child should feel empowered, not pressured, in decisions about the relationship.

Criticisms and Controversy Around Reunification Therapy

Reunification counseling remains controversial, as critics argue it can give abusive or unfit parents access to the child victims. Others believe the emphasis should be on protecting children rather than repairing the adult relationship at all costs. Some concerns include:

• Forcing children to reconcile with an abusive parent retraumatizes them
• The parent's relationship with the therapist may be manipulative or exploitative
• The child's voice is overridden in favor of parental rights
• Harm is glossed over instead of adequately addressed
• Expectations and time frames are unrealistic for complex trauma

Parents and therapists need to be careful not to prioritize their agenda over the child's emotional well-being. Pushing reunion without resolving underlying issues can make the situation worse. Safety and healing should come before reconciliation.

Key Considerations for Parents

If considering reunification therapy, keep the following in mind:

• Your child's readiness and willingness are essential - you cannot force reconciliation
• The therapist must have specific expertise in these delicate cases
• Progress will take extensive time and patience
• You must acknowledge your own role in the estrangement
• Your child's boundaries and pace must be respected
• Any form of abuse or mistreatment needs to be transparently addressed
• Be prepared to hear your child's grievances with an open mind and heart

Reunification can be complex emotionally. Do not enter into it lightly without understanding the investment it requires. Focus on your child's long-term wellness, not just the outcome you desire. With care, time and skill, reconciliation may be possible, but should never be forced.

FAQs

What is the success rate of reunification therapy?

There is no definitive statistic on the success rate of reunification therapy. Outcomes depend greatly on the individual circumstances, commitment from both parties, the therapist's skill level, and the child's willingness to reconcile. It can take many months or even years of gradually rebuilding trust. Some estrangements may be too deep to fully overcome. The focus should be on improving mutual understanding, not forcing a specific outcome.

Does reunification therapy allow abusive parents access to their victims?

Legitimate concerns exist around giving abusive or unfit parents access to children through therapy. A skilled, ethical therapist will ensure sessions are safe and not retraumatizing. Initially meetings typically do not involve the child, and joint sessions would only occur once considerable progress has been made. The child's emotional readiness must be the priority.

Can the court order us to do reunification therapy?

Yes, family court judges can mandate estranged parents and children to attend reunification therapy. Failing to comply could potentially result in contempt charges. However, the court cannot actually force a reconciliation - they can only order that you attempt the process. If therapy is not progressing well or causing harm, the therapist may recommend stopping.

Should I try therapy if my child refuses?

Reunification cannot work without the child's willingness to participate. If your child remains staunchly opposed, you risk retraumatizing them by forcing the issue. Consider respecting their boundaries for now. Focus on healing yourself, and leave the door open down the road. With time, age, and therapy, your child may become more open to reconciliation.

How much does reunification therapy cost?

Costs vary widely based on the provider's credentials and your location, but expect fees comparable to other specialized therapy. Sessions range from $100-$300 each. Many therapists will develop customized treatment plans with costs based on how many sessions appear needed. Get cost estimates in advance so you can budget appropriately for the process.